internetexplorers: we could be married with like 4 kids and i’d still be too scared to text you first
selfdoubtandsyphilis: dankestrnemes: do animals think in english or in the sounds they make this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for
friendsofthegaybc: travisstolls: friendsofthegaybc: travisstolls: WHEN HE WAS A YOUNG WARTHOG WHEN I WAS A YOUNG WARTHOOOOOOOOG Very nice Thanks
hungarian: nowhere in the bible does it say god is not a burrito
tennants-companion: so I was forced to go to church and all these babies were screaming and I said “we wouldn’t be having this problem if the church supported abortion” and the guy next to me almost had a heart attack
fatwink: *grabs my gameboy color and a kit-kat* goodbye mom and dad i’m moving out
OMG Facts *official tumblr*: A student petitioned... →
omgfactsofficial: A student petitioned to make 10^27 a ‘Hellameter’ so that the universe would be 1.4 hellameters wide The universe is vast. No one will dispute that. It encompasses galaxies upon galaxies and as far as we know, everything in existence. Scientists actually have estimated the universe’s diameter.
i pretend i dont care but deep down i really still dont care
chekhov: In health class we were given sheets of paper and told to write a message we would want someone of the opposite sex to know She read some examples The girls were like: “Hey can you please not treat me like shit” The boys were like: “Spray tans look ugly I hate when girls wear too much makeup and don’t lead me on.”
leftforbed: leftforbed: mcsnuggie: true self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn why would the movie eat my popcorn nevermind i get it
thecompanionsdoctor: Whenever my friend says goodnight to me on Skype he sends me this gif and I wanted to send it to him tonight so I went to Google “black man turning off lamp” but Google autofill changed it to “black man turning into jet” and I got this Long story short it’s 1am and I’ve been laughing at this for approximately 20 years
freakvevo: *gets my nipples pierced at Claire’s*
rabioheab: earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that
itsvondell: i bet a lot of dinosaurs did really cute stuff like play around and roll around on the ground and catch flies in the air and sneeze and bump into stuff and fall down and play in the water and snuggle up close to each other when they were cold i want more people to imagine them as just regular animals
pearls: pearls: i touched a dick once and it was the scariest thing in my life because it had a really cold head and i don’t know it wasn’t fun sometimes the ‘i’ and ‘u’ shouldn’t be so close on the keyboard
fieldofbeans: halfbaked-alchemist: HI I am the potoo I spend most of my time sitting on the edges of tree branches, pretending to be a stick or dead leaf it’s not as easy as it looks I sing virtually exclusively around the period of the full moon because, according to legend, I am a mournful spirit in love with the spirit of the moon I approve of this so much.
vandalswithjetpacks: The idea that people had sex before the 20th century really freaks me out. Like George Washington probably got a blow job and that makes me uncomfortable.
eyebrowgod: you kno what time it is
fishingboatproceeds: the-blog-of-anne-frank: I just realized that “pun intended” is a pun on “unintended” and I’m literally about to gouge my eyes out I’m so angry This. Changes. Everything.
westbor0baptistchurch: tootsied: iapprovethispost: tootsied: I don’t give a damn about my reputation [LOUD GUITAR] You’re living in the past it’s a new generation [LOUD GUITAR] [SHREK ATTACKS THE KNIGHTS AT LORD FARQUAD’S CASTLE]
fourlittlehobbits: when it comes to reading i’m either reading 400 pages a day or taking a month to read 200 there is no inbetween
honksy: *on my deathbed* nurse: do you have any last words me: i………..regret……being so……m…..mean………and heartless……………. *the light goes out of my eyes* *a small piece of paper falls out of my hand* *the paper says one word only* “sike”