i actually like being up early i just don’t like getting up early
YOU PUT THIS IN WORDS
98% of divorces are caused by Mario Party
yes your honor, this marriage can no longer work out after the trauma I suffered from my wife stealing not one, but TWO of my stars
some flowers just arrived for my sister but my mom thought they were for me.
and so she asked if they were from henry and of course i asked what the hell she was talking about
and she was like “henry, the boy you’re always talking about.”
she meant henry david thoreau.
i quote henry david thoreau so much my mom thought henry david thoreau was my boyfriend
if i sing around you i am 150% comfortable with you because i fucking hate my singing voice
Do you ever look up from reading a book and get disoriented because you’re actually in your bedroom or class or somewhere that isn’t the story?
I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE OMG
People mistake ovulation and menstruation to be the same thing when in fact they aren’t
Ovulation is when the eggs are saying “hello friends I am here”
And menstuation is when the eggs are saying “goodbye friends I am gone”
THIS EXPLAINS THE DIFFERENCE 40x BETTER THAN MY ENTIRE SEVENTH GRADE SEX ED CLASS.